Hot Water

When I'm feeling lost or stressed out...I bake. Consequently, I bake a lot. I like to make anything from scratch; it soothes me. There is something so incredibly satisfying about following a recipe and knowing that if I mix flour, sugar, eggs, and butter together I will get something wonderful every time. It's more about the process then the eating, although lets not discount the eating.  I love to make people laugh and I love to make people desert. Both are so good for the soul you know.
My mother is one of those rare human beings who can take a pinch of this and a dash of that, who can without a recipe envision a cookie, cake, or frosting and just make it happen. I have always marveled at that. (it seems to have skipped a generation, that skill) I remember as a little girl my mom had an old yellowing cookbook that my sister and I used to make recipes out of, one of which was called "HOT WATER Chocolate Cake". I've never had a chocolate cake so good in my life. The cookbook has long since parted ways with our family. But, I have always remembered it as the best chocolate cake recipe of my life.
For birthdays my mom always asked Elizabeth and I what kind of cake we wanted, and she made it happen. Intricate frosting dresses on Barbie cakes. A dirt cake in a plastic flower pot with gummy worms and artificial flowers 'growing' out of it. Sometimes being a twin is hard, being a twin in a big family is especially difficult but my mom tried hard to make us feel like we were individuals and special. For birthdays especially.  Now that I'm an adult I see things from childhood with different eyes, with the eyes of a mother and can not for the life of me fathom how my mother managed it all.

Flash forward if you will a few years to a newly married Emily, three months to be exact, trying to plan a little birthday party for my new husband. Daniel and I grew up a little differently.  For his birthday every year he had "Man Cake" as it has come to be known, to him and his three brothers. A store bought Duncan Hines mix with chocolate chip and store bought chocolate frosting.  He insisted that this tradition be carried on for himself and our kids. I chose to veto it for our children. Also, birthdays aren't exactly a big deal for him. If you ask him what he wants he says 'nothing'. His only expectation of birthdays is that he gets his man cake. So for the last 5 years, he has had a store bought Duncan Hines mix with chocolate chips and a chocolate frosting for his birthday. Which is like bordering on sacrilegious for me. I have pleaded with him to let me make him a REAL chocolate cake, but he refuses. Anywho, it's the man's only request, so I honored it until this year. I finally found the "HOT WATER chocolate cake" recipe on Pinterest of places and insisted upon making it for him for his birthday. I won't rub it in.... You know, how right I was, how gloriously right I was...but he won't be having anymore box mix birthday cakes.

Here it is:
2 C. White Sugar
1 3/4 cups all purpose flour
3/4 cup cocoa powder
1 1/2 tsp Baking powder
1 1/2 tsp baking soda
1 teaspoon salt
2 large eggs
1 cup buttermilk ( or you can sub. by putting 1 tsp white vinegar into 1 cup whole milk and letting it sit for a few minutes, it's not as good but it works in a pinch)
1/2 cup butter melted
1 T vanilla
1 Cup Boiling hot water (you can also use coffee but I don't)

MIX MIX MIX MIX
Bake for 350 degrees for about 30-35 minutes. Let cool, frost, enjoy perfection.

Through trial and error this is my frosting recipe:

1/2 cup (1 stick) butter ( I cook with butter I never substitute)
2/3 cup Cocoa
3 cups powdered sugar
1/3 cup milk
1 teaspoon vanilla extract

Melt butter. Stir in cocoa. Alternately add powdered sugar and milk, beating to spreading consistency.
add vanilla, and more milk if needed.


I hope your loved one enjoys it as much as mine do. ~Em

Emily

Oh yeah. I've been putting off writing this one. It's an update on me. So, I'm a mother of three girls which is a full time job and then some. Being a mom is the hardest most rewarding thing I have ever done. I love my girls beyond reason. Even though being a mom is a HUGE chunk of my life, I'm more then just Brighton, Fairon, and Paisley's mom; I'm Emily. (does anyone remember her?) And Emily turned 26 this year. AND 26 has been hard.  About 25 I decided I should probably have my act together by now...You know make my bed in the morning and fall into it at a decent time of night; maybe have a more then 25 cents in my checking account the day before payday. I'm only doing slightly better. Some people my age are finishing grad school now, getting married, and having kids on purpose. Where I have personally been up to my neck in breastmilk for a half dozen years. Sometimes, the things I have done seem so pale in comparison. 
I started working in Feburary after staying home full time for almost 6 years. Working has been challenging and rewarding. I find it soothing to create things, and most of the time my job as a photographer is really wonderful. It makes for really interesting people watching too. 'Picture day' is one of the most stressful days in a parents life. I've learned a lot about being a mom in the portrait studio. Like the mom who is screaming at her children and then answers her ringing cell phone with a sweet gentle 'hello' . You know what that means to me...it means you are capable of controlling yourself when you choose too. Have you ever noticed how often we treat guests better then our own family? I once heard a mom talk about how she was busy yelling at her kids for spilling juice on the carpet when they had company over, then one of their guests spilled the same juice on the same carpet, that mom was so completely forgiving. Moms lose their tempers, I'm am by know means perfect, but shouldn't we treat our children better then strangers?

So, this year I have gained and lost the same ten pounds a dozen times. I hate it!!!! (currently 143) I've come to the conclusion that I will probably spend my entire life juggling my love of food and my love of fitting into a size 6. (really an 8)  Quite a lot of people know I struggle with depression. It's not a secret and I'm not really ashamed of it. It's just a burden I have to bear. Sometimes it's much worse then others. It's currently worse, but I think I'm on the upswing. It's funny when I am consumed with my life just the day to day: Alarm, laundry, wake up kids, brushing three little mop top heads and morning breath teeth, getting myself and three kids dressed, finding socks and shoes and backpacks and breakfast, and  making sure they went potty and making sure that homework is done, walking kids to the bus stop, goodbye kisses, then home for more dishes and more laundry, cleaning up a 24 messes, and watching sesame street with Paisley and answering 'what' when someone says 'mom' 167974 times and all before 10 am. AND just when I think I'm going to scream someone says " I love you mom" or " You're the bestest mom in the whole wide world." or hugs me or kisses my cheek or says "Damn you look beautiful today." Anyway to take my own advice I gave someone earlier this week: Count your blessings. Water your own grass. Adjust your perspective. Life is hard but it's beautiful.

This is my second year as the President of the Young Women in our church. Which is probably the greatest single calling I have ever held, EVER! It is so cool to hang out with the teen girls in our church just as they are deciding who they want to be, and to think that I maybe, just maybe have the tiniest of positive impact on them, is amazing.

Anyway, this is getting long. I'll finish up.

Emily at 26
Likes:
Talking to my twin sister (She lets me complain about my life and helps me see the good and never ever lies to me, like when I asked her if the red screaming newborn in my lap was really as beautiful as I thought she was)
Talking to my friend Nicole ( She helps me rationalize every decision I have ever made, including eating cake for breakfast because it 'keeps my metabolism guessing')
Talking to my husband ( He loves me at my worst, he deserves a medal.)
Morning giggles
Little girl kisses
heart to hearts with Brighton
New words from Fairon
New words from Paisley
Dancing in the kitchen
Getting to say YES to the kids
Making people laugh
Jumping on the trampoline without peeing myself
Getting to hang out with my mom and my dad, They are some of my biggest fans and cheerleaders.

Dislikes:
Not having my husband around
Being socially awkward
mom guilt
feeling lost or unaccomplished
Anything to do with debt
sick kids
Stretch marks
peeing myself when I jump on the trampoline
That cookies aren't calorie-free
I can no longer eat more then a ONE slice of pizza, That I can't drink chocolate milk or egg nog, or apple cider without my gallbladder FREAKING  out and punishing me.
Migraines

I forgot to end with my customary funny or positive message which is always my goal...but I'm tapped out. Lots of love reader. Thanks for making to the end.

Daniel

 So last week I wrote in the blog an update for each of  our girls and what they are like at their respective ages.  Dan jokingly said he now expected a blog post about what he is like at 29.  This morning I am happy to oblige!

If you asked me to describe Daniel in one word I could do it simply. It would be 'kind'. He is one of the kindest most thoughtful people on this planet that I have ever encountered. He spends a good part of everyday thinking about how he can help others but he doesn't stop there he actually does something.  Then he comes home from work and serves his family; helps with household chores and LOVES his children. He never wants anything and is really great at recognizing his blessings. And at the end of everyday he kicks himself for not doing more for people.

There are people in this world who can be distrustful of kindness, because so often when kindness is done something is expected in return.  But if you knew Dan you would know he is simply and purely good. I say it all the time: You show me someone who doesn't like Dan and I'll show you someone I don't trust.  Dan gets on my case about being fiercely loyal to him, partially because I threaten to punch in the throat any one who has ever wronged him, but I can't help it, the good things of this world need to be protected.

I don't want to make him sound super human or flawless. He is always making me late for example, and I HATE to be late. It makes me feel out of control and yet it takes him longer to get ready every morning then it does for me to get myself and three whole other people ready to completion. I know we can be nauseatingly in love sometimes and that's all people see but trust me we have cross words with each other too. I say 'we love hard, we play hard, we fight hard, we pray hard.' 

Dan is FREAKED out to turn 30 next year. He has like 4 grey hairs near his temples that I tease him about but secretly love.  I don't know why he is worried about getting older, he is pretty accomplished I think. He has three healthy beautiful girls, a house that doesn't do too much leaking, a decent job,  a couple cars, and a smoking hot wife.  

Anyway, I won't gush too much. I think he's the bees knees and I love him very much. He rights my world and keeps this girl grounded.  He tells me he loves me a dozen times a day, not that I had any doubts.  I think he is probably the best choice I've ever made in my life and I'd choose him again, every time.