Telling Dan...

Where were we...

Oh yeah, we are pregnant, and we aren't supposed to be. 

Because we decided we were done "trying" and started "impeding".
Reminder: We both felt really good about it.

AND then I decided to pee on the last pregnancy test because I can't stand to waste crap.

So. Shocked.

I went to the store and bought a 2 pack  pregnancy test.

And took another the next day. Still positive, and darker. 

Then, Dan got the stomach flu.To hear him tell it: The mother of all stomach flu. 

He was pretty sure he was dying and I didn't want to be the nail in the coffin that did him in so I kept my news to myself for a few days. 

A couple more days past and I took the next test. Still two lines. Still positive. 

I decided that I would like to tell him in a unique way, because I had not ever been able to do that before. So I had this brilliant idea that I would make a meal of baby foods.(Apparently this is a thing, but I swear I thought I made it up. Although now I've been told it was featured on a infamous episode of Full House) So, baby back ribs, cooked baby carrots and baby potatoes, and midway through the meal I'd ask him to "get the bun out of the oven".  Now Dan is a smart guy. Super smart amazing man, but I knew ALL that would probably go over his head so I also made a little baby onesie to give him after dinner, away from the kids.

Dinner was ready at 5:30pm. 

I was so excited and scared. 

He called me at  6:30pm saying that he wasn't going to make it home until late and we should start dinner without him.  

Are you freakin' kidding me?!?!

We ate.

Plan B was this:

I made a quick trip to the store for his favorite candy. 

I made the bed and piled it on his side like so.

I waited for him to come home.

He FINALLY made it home, and said he needed to change out of his work clothes and lay down.  

So I waited on the stairs out of sight so I could hear his reaction:

"YES!!!!" (Him finding the candy)

"What the heck?!?!" (Him seeing the baby onsesie)

Silence...absolute silence. (me: 'crap')

So I go upstairs and and he's like just staring at the pregnancy test quizzically. 

My husband is a smart guy. I mean like super smart.

I love him so much!

He said, " I....do...not...think...you're... pregnant"

because he can also be a big idiot.

So I showed him the test instructions and pointed out the lines.  And he was still unconvinced.

So the next day I went to the store and bought a digital test which literally says

"PREGNANT" on it. 

THEN he finally believed me.

Note: our due date has been moved up a couple weeks, because as usual I'm measuring large.

Later, since he never really gave me much of a reaction I asked him what he thought. 

He said, "I knew something was up because you made the bed."

Which is, of course, such a glowing endorsement for me as an adult.

Go. Me.

How did we get here?

Hey there! It's been a while since I've been on the old blog. We are officially changing the name from "Thrice Blessed" to **Crazy Blessed** because...well we are currently cookin' another Jensen baby!

Many of you might have thought we were done having kids....heck even we did! So how did we get here, three months pregnant  with baby #4?

Well that's a story. After our last little girl, Paisley was born. She was perfect, and so was life. On the day we brought her home from the hospital, our little family was gathered around her bassinet just admiring her. And I said, "This is our last baby. We never have to do this again."

Brighton who was three years old, looked confused...and said with all the confidence of a 3 year old, very matter of fact...

"Mom don't forget about (name withheld)! They are in heaven and they want to come down and be part of our family. Promise me you won't forget about them."

Anyway, we laughed and chalked it up to being 3. 

But then a couple years past, the kids were sleeping through the night, there was money in the bank. I started to have a weird feeling. I would look into the rear view mirror and look at my three kids and then glance for a fourth. I would see our family picture and expect to see someone else. I would look around at Holidays and feel like someone was missing. These are all feelings I kept to myself because you know money in the bank, sleeping again....ect.

And then I started feeling those old feelings, I thought I'd buried. The deep physical and emotional desire to have another baby. I brought it up to Dan who SHOT that down, vehemently, decisively, and almost hysterically.  and, I understood! It was crazy and yet I couldn't help my feelings.  But I love my husband and want him to have the life he wants. And So I prayed that the deep longing I was feeling for another child will leave me. It didn't. 

Occasionally I would bring it up to Dan, but he felt "so completely done" and I had no hope he would change his mind. 

Some days I understood exactly where he was coming from and some days I was in anguish. 

I think most of you know: I'm LDS aka Mormon. My faith is a HUGE part of my life. 

Everyday I pray. I pray when I wake up, when I shower, when I drive, when I eat, when I'm hurt or scared or happy. Sometimes when people think I'm talking to myself, I'm really just talking to God. 

Anyway, When the feelings didn't dissipate. I changed my prayer to, "Are these feelings the answer, should we have another baby?"

And even though I was doing all that praying, I didn't feel like I was getting an answer. 

I decided I needed to go to the Temple.

A temple is a special place set aside as a place for ordinances, and serious prayer and reflection.

It's, in my opinion, the closest place on Earth to God. 

So I went and I prayed so sincerely that if we were meant to have another child I would know it definitively. I had such an immediate and complete peace come over me. And what can only be described as a gentle voice across my mind say...

Emily you already have your answer, now you need to pray that your husband also receives the answer. 

So I did. 

Two days later, Sunday, Dan handed me a note on our church bulletin that said,

"Baby?"

Afterwards, he said he felt an overwhelming feeling that our family was not complete the night I returned from the temple.

So, we decided to have another baby. Unfortunately, It took much longer then we'd have liked. and it was really discouraging. We had just decided that maybe having another child was not in the cards for us, but simply a test of faith. Every month passed and I struggled to understand the "why" and we decided together that we were done trying. I think we both felt really good about that choice. 

I embraced our family of 5 fully, and the new freedoms of our girls getting older. I picked out a new car...a 5 seater! 

One day I was cleaning out our bathroom cupboard and I had one last pregnancy test left in there. I'm weird I decided to pee on it, rather than just throw it away unused.  Imagine my surprise when it came back positive!!! 

Now, I just had to figure out how to tell Dan. 

but that's a story for tomorrow...