Telling Dan...

Where were we...

Oh yeah, we are pregnant, and we aren't supposed to be. 

Because we decided we were done "trying" and started "impeding".
Reminder: We both felt really good about it.

AND then I decided to pee on the last pregnancy test because I can't stand to waste crap.

So. Shocked.

I went to the store and bought a 2 pack  pregnancy test.

And took another the next day. Still positive, and darker. 

Then, Dan got the stomach flu.To hear him tell it: The mother of all stomach flu. 

He was pretty sure he was dying and I didn't want to be the nail in the coffin that did him in so I kept my news to myself for a few days. 

A couple more days past and I took the next test. Still two lines. Still positive. 

I decided that I would like to tell him in a unique way, because I had not ever been able to do that before. So I had this brilliant idea that I would make a meal of baby foods.(Apparently this is a thing, but I swear I thought I made it up. Although now I've been told it was featured on a infamous episode of Full House) So, baby back ribs, cooked baby carrots and baby potatoes, and midway through the meal I'd ask him to "get the bun out of the oven".  Now Dan is a smart guy. Super smart amazing man, but I knew ALL that would probably go over his head so I also made a little baby onesie to give him after dinner, away from the kids.

Dinner was ready at 5:30pm. 

I was so excited and scared. 

He called me at  6:30pm saying that he wasn't going to make it home until late and we should start dinner without him.  

Are you freakin' kidding me?!?!

We ate.

Plan B was this:

I made a quick trip to the store for his favorite candy. 

I made the bed and piled it on his side like so.

I waited for him to come home.

He FINALLY made it home, and said he needed to change out of his work clothes and lay down.  

So I waited on the stairs out of sight so I could hear his reaction:

"YES!!!!" (Him finding the candy)

"What the heck?!?!" (Him seeing the baby onsesie)

Silence...absolute silence. (me: 'crap')

So I go upstairs and and he's like just staring at the pregnancy test quizzically. 

My husband is a smart guy. I mean like super smart.

I love him so much!

He said, " I....do...not...think...you're... pregnant"

because he can also be a big idiot.

So I showed him the test instructions and pointed out the lines.  And he was still unconvinced.

So the next day I went to the store and bought a digital test which literally says

"PREGNANT" on it. 

THEN he finally believed me.

Note: our due date has been moved up a couple weeks, because as usual I'm measuring large.

Later, since he never really gave me much of a reaction I asked him what he thought. 

He said, "I knew something was up because you made the bed."

Which is, of course, such a glowing endorsement for me as an adult.

Go. Me.