Life's tough. We're not going to make it out alive

The past few months for me have been interesting to say the least. I have been dealing with postpartum depression for five month since Paisley was born. I have been trying to adjust to my post-pregnancy body, to little avail. I love my kids and I wouldn't trade them for any one of these stretch marks...but I have struggled with my identity in a big way since my body has changed so much in the last 4 years. ( I know three kids will do that)

I have been stretched pretty thin helping some of my friends and family, in addition to my everyday responsibilities. It's frusterating to me because people assume that because I am a stay at home mom that I must have tons of free time. They don't understand when I have to tell them "No, I'm sorry I can't do that." It's full of misconceptions, the life of a SAHM.

Anyway, I have been spending a large amount of time with my cousin,Whitney, and helping her watch her son Hunter these last few weeks. I volunteered to watch Hunter for her when I could, to help her get through a rough personal setback in her life. She is a single mom, and listening to her struggles makes me feel so grateful for my husband. I feel so fortunate to have met him so early in my life. I know that Dan and I have one of those extraordinary kind of loves and I never stop thanking God for sending him to me. Somehow he was able to look past all the chaos and love me, and that was nothing short of a miracle.

My aunt, Whitney's mom, died a few years ago. It wasn't really a family secret but we didn't talk about it much, that she was terribly addicted to drugs. I hardly saw her growing up but I remember her being young, thin, and tan. She was so full of life. It was a far cry from how she looked in the hospice; to young to be dying. One of my only childhood memories is of her teaching me how to cartwheel in the grass outside her house. I took Brighton to see her in the hospice a few times before she died...she regretted her life. It was so painful to see. But she taught me more then how to cartwheel. She taught me that life is a gift, and you only get to live it once. So, change what you can change and accept what you can't. <-----this lesson has sat dormant in me for the last few years but there are so many things about myself that I would love to change. And it is within my power to do so. I am going to devote some entries in here about finding more fulfillment in my life; accepting the things I can't change and changing the things I can.
Although, I'm not sure I can still cartwheel I'm thinking I might give it a try.