Happy New Year

     So every year I fully intend to write a Christmas letter. Every year I either don't start it, start it but don't finish it,  finish it but don't get them sent out, or get them sent out in February.  In the first week of December when I start getting Christmas letters I marvel at the time and energy some people have; elaborate photo shoots and beautiful embossed envelopes. WHAT?!?! Who has time for this?!
     I am not overly fond of  the Christmas letter because it clearly has become an excuse to brag about your accomplishments and/or list your ailments.  I have one friend who sends out a three page front and back letter in the tiniest font every year. (Merry Christmas: I got you an incredibly boring novel)  On the other hand I have a friend who sends me a one page piece of holiday paper in a reasonable font making being a stay at home mom sound like saving the world, one perfect sugar-sheilded child at a time. (Merry Christmas- You're not good enough) I saw something on Pinterest the other day that said something along the lines of "the reason we aren't satisfied is that we compare our lives to everyone else's highlight reel"  Which I find totally true. People put their best face on in front of the world and you rarely see them for what they truly are.  True to form, I did not get a Christmas Letter sent out this year so I'd like to leave this with you here:

An Honest Christmas Letter
With a little help from a rhyming dictionary

From The Jensen's 

2012 (Just barely)

Twas the Eve before New Years, when all through the house.

All three girls were fighting over the computer mouse
The laundry still flung all over the chair,

Because mom, in pajamas, quite frankly... didn't care .

The children were jumping in their unmade beds,
While visions of acrobats danced in their heads.
And Mama watched netflix, not giving a crap,

exhausted, overwhelmed, and needing a nap

When out of the kitchen there arose such a clatter,

I sprang from the chair to see what was the matter.
Away to the doorway I flew like a flash,

Leaping over toys with great flair and panache.

The floor in the kitchen was littered with play-dough
an entire box of cereal, and a bowl of green jello.
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear, 
But a bag of mini-marshmallows and my zebra brassiere.
 
Three girls in the mess, caught quite red-handed 
Upon seeing the fury they quickly disbanded!
Laughing and squealing, swiftly they ran!
Shouting and yelling the call of Tarzan.

"Now Paisley! Now, Fairon! And you too Brighton!"
"get your tushes back in here!" I tried to frighten
From corner to corner, wall to wall
The mess was so big, so deep, and so tall.
 
I sat for a second and put up my feet
surveyed the destruction and admitted defeat.
I got out the broom and swept up the crumbs
maybe I threatened to tan three little bums.  

When in they came, one by one.
I handed them towels and we got the job done.
We tidied the kitchen then the living room next
And when we were done I asked them perplexed,

"You're Lucky You're Cute! Now what were you thinking?!?"
Because honestly, I hadn't an inkling.
"For less then a minute you were out of sight!"
all I do is clean from dawn until twilight.

And in the moment when I'm completely depressed
I get hugs and kisses and remember I'm blessed. 
Three sweet little girls
a house full of: pink, and glitter, and pearls.
Naked barbie dolls and stray little socks,
little purple panties, little wood blocks.
Sweet morning giggles, reading books, singing songs
and I remember this is where I  belong.   
Are there things more noble? Are there things of more worth?  
 I wouldn't trade this for all the treasures of Earth.

As I'm writing this one child bit another
AHH! The sweet joys of being a mother
From our chaos to yours, much to our delight
Merry Christmas, Happy New Years!!!!
And too all a Good Night!

 

  

  

Hot Water

When I'm feeling lost or stressed out...I bake. Consequently, I bake a lot. I like to make anything from scratch; it soothes me. There is something so incredibly satisfying about following a recipe and knowing that if I mix flour, sugar, eggs, and butter together I will get something wonderful every time. It's more about the process then the eating, although lets not discount the eating.  I love to make people laugh and I love to make people desert. Both are so good for the soul you know.
My mother is one of those rare human beings who can take a pinch of this and a dash of that, who can without a recipe envision a cookie, cake, or frosting and just make it happen. I have always marveled at that. (it seems to have skipped a generation, that skill) I remember as a little girl my mom had an old yellowing cookbook that my sister and I used to make recipes out of, one of which was called "HOT WATER Chocolate Cake". I've never had a chocolate cake so good in my life. The cookbook has long since parted ways with our family. But, I have always remembered it as the best chocolate cake recipe of my life.
For birthdays my mom always asked Elizabeth and I what kind of cake we wanted, and she made it happen. Intricate frosting dresses on Barbie cakes. A dirt cake in a plastic flower pot with gummy worms and artificial flowers 'growing' out of it. Sometimes being a twin is hard, being a twin in a big family is especially difficult but my mom tried hard to make us feel like we were individuals and special. For birthdays especially.  Now that I'm an adult I see things from childhood with different eyes, with the eyes of a mother and can not for the life of me fathom how my mother managed it all.

Flash forward if you will a few years to a newly married Emily, three months to be exact, trying to plan a little birthday party for my new husband. Daniel and I grew up a little differently.  For his birthday every year he had "Man Cake" as it has come to be known, to him and his three brothers. A store bought Duncan Hines mix with chocolate chip and store bought chocolate frosting.  He insisted that this tradition be carried on for himself and our kids. I chose to veto it for our children. Also, birthdays aren't exactly a big deal for him. If you ask him what he wants he says 'nothing'. His only expectation of birthdays is that he gets his man cake. So for the last 5 years, he has had a store bought Duncan Hines mix with chocolate chips and a chocolate frosting for his birthday. Which is like bordering on sacrilegious for me. I have pleaded with him to let me make him a REAL chocolate cake, but he refuses. Anywho, it's the man's only request, so I honored it until this year. I finally found the "HOT WATER chocolate cake" recipe on Pinterest of places and insisted upon making it for him for his birthday. I won't rub it in.... You know, how right I was, how gloriously right I was...but he won't be having anymore box mix birthday cakes.

Here it is:
2 C. White Sugar
1 3/4 cups all purpose flour
3/4 cup cocoa powder
1 1/2 tsp Baking powder
1 1/2 tsp baking soda
1 teaspoon salt
2 large eggs
1 cup buttermilk ( or you can sub. by putting 1 tsp white vinegar into 1 cup whole milk and letting it sit for a few minutes, it's not as good but it works in a pinch)
1/2 cup butter melted
1 T vanilla
1 Cup Boiling hot water (you can also use coffee but I don't)

MIX MIX MIX MIX
Bake for 350 degrees for about 30-35 minutes. Let cool, frost, enjoy perfection.

Through trial and error this is my frosting recipe:

1/2 cup (1 stick) butter ( I cook with butter I never substitute)
2/3 cup Cocoa
3 cups powdered sugar
1/3 cup milk
1 teaspoon vanilla extract

Melt butter. Stir in cocoa. Alternately add powdered sugar and milk, beating to spreading consistency.
add vanilla, and more milk if needed.


I hope your loved one enjoys it as much as mine do. ~Em

Emily

Oh yeah. I've been putting off writing this one. It's an update on me. So, I'm a mother of three girls which is a full time job and then some. Being a mom is the hardest most rewarding thing I have ever done. I love my girls beyond reason. Even though being a mom is a HUGE chunk of my life, I'm more then just Brighton, Fairon, and Paisley's mom; I'm Emily. (does anyone remember her?) And Emily turned 26 this year. AND 26 has been hard.  About 25 I decided I should probably have my act together by now...You know make my bed in the morning and fall into it at a decent time of night; maybe have a more then 25 cents in my checking account the day before payday. I'm only doing slightly better. Some people my age are finishing grad school now, getting married, and having kids on purpose. Where I have personally been up to my neck in breastmilk for a half dozen years. Sometimes, the things I have done seem so pale in comparison. 
I started working in Feburary after staying home full time for almost 6 years. Working has been challenging and rewarding. I find it soothing to create things, and most of the time my job as a photographer is really wonderful. It makes for really interesting people watching too. 'Picture day' is one of the most stressful days in a parents life. I've learned a lot about being a mom in the portrait studio. Like the mom who is screaming at her children and then answers her ringing cell phone with a sweet gentle 'hello' . You know what that means to me...it means you are capable of controlling yourself when you choose too. Have you ever noticed how often we treat guests better then our own family? I once heard a mom talk about how she was busy yelling at her kids for spilling juice on the carpet when they had company over, then one of their guests spilled the same juice on the same carpet, that mom was so completely forgiving. Moms lose their tempers, I'm am by know means perfect, but shouldn't we treat our children better then strangers?

So, this year I have gained and lost the same ten pounds a dozen times. I hate it!!!! (currently 143) I've come to the conclusion that I will probably spend my entire life juggling my love of food and my love of fitting into a size 6. (really an 8)  Quite a lot of people know I struggle with depression. It's not a secret and I'm not really ashamed of it. It's just a burden I have to bear. Sometimes it's much worse then others. It's currently worse, but I think I'm on the upswing. It's funny when I am consumed with my life just the day to day: Alarm, laundry, wake up kids, brushing three little mop top heads and morning breath teeth, getting myself and three kids dressed, finding socks and shoes and backpacks and breakfast, and  making sure they went potty and making sure that homework is done, walking kids to the bus stop, goodbye kisses, then home for more dishes and more laundry, cleaning up a 24 messes, and watching sesame street with Paisley and answering 'what' when someone says 'mom' 167974 times and all before 10 am. AND just when I think I'm going to scream someone says " I love you mom" or " You're the bestest mom in the whole wide world." or hugs me or kisses my cheek or says "Damn you look beautiful today." Anyway to take my own advice I gave someone earlier this week: Count your blessings. Water your own grass. Adjust your perspective. Life is hard but it's beautiful.

This is my second year as the President of the Young Women in our church. Which is probably the greatest single calling I have ever held, EVER! It is so cool to hang out with the teen girls in our church just as they are deciding who they want to be, and to think that I maybe, just maybe have the tiniest of positive impact on them, is amazing.

Anyway, this is getting long. I'll finish up.

Emily at 26
Likes:
Talking to my twin sister (She lets me complain about my life and helps me see the good and never ever lies to me, like when I asked her if the red screaming newborn in my lap was really as beautiful as I thought she was)
Talking to my friend Nicole ( She helps me rationalize every decision I have ever made, including eating cake for breakfast because it 'keeps my metabolism guessing')
Talking to my husband ( He loves me at my worst, he deserves a medal.)
Morning giggles
Little girl kisses
heart to hearts with Brighton
New words from Fairon
New words from Paisley
Dancing in the kitchen
Getting to say YES to the kids
Making people laugh
Jumping on the trampoline without peeing myself
Getting to hang out with my mom and my dad, They are some of my biggest fans and cheerleaders.

Dislikes:
Not having my husband around
Being socially awkward
mom guilt
feeling lost or unaccomplished
Anything to do with debt
sick kids
Stretch marks
peeing myself when I jump on the trampoline
That cookies aren't calorie-free
I can no longer eat more then a ONE slice of pizza, That I can't drink chocolate milk or egg nog, or apple cider without my gallbladder FREAKING  out and punishing me.
Migraines

I forgot to end with my customary funny or positive message which is always my goal...but I'm tapped out. Lots of love reader. Thanks for making to the end.

Daniel

 So last week I wrote in the blog an update for each of  our girls and what they are like at their respective ages.  Dan jokingly said he now expected a blog post about what he is like at 29.  This morning I am happy to oblige!

If you asked me to describe Daniel in one word I could do it simply. It would be 'kind'. He is one of the kindest most thoughtful people on this planet that I have ever encountered. He spends a good part of everyday thinking about how he can help others but he doesn't stop there he actually does something.  Then he comes home from work and serves his family; helps with household chores and LOVES his children. He never wants anything and is really great at recognizing his blessings. And at the end of everyday he kicks himself for not doing more for people.

There are people in this world who can be distrustful of kindness, because so often when kindness is done something is expected in return.  But if you knew Dan you would know he is simply and purely good. I say it all the time: You show me someone who doesn't like Dan and I'll show you someone I don't trust.  Dan gets on my case about being fiercely loyal to him, partially because I threaten to punch in the throat any one who has ever wronged him, but I can't help it, the good things of this world need to be protected.

I don't want to make him sound super human or flawless. He is always making me late for example, and I HATE to be late. It makes me feel out of control and yet it takes him longer to get ready every morning then it does for me to get myself and three whole other people ready to completion. I know we can be nauseatingly in love sometimes and that's all people see but trust me we have cross words with each other too. I say 'we love hard, we play hard, we fight hard, we pray hard.' 

Dan is FREAKED out to turn 30 next year. He has like 4 grey hairs near his temples that I tease him about but secretly love.  I don't know why he is worried about getting older, he is pretty accomplished I think. He has three healthy beautiful girls, a house that doesn't do too much leaking, a decent job,  a couple cars, and a smoking hot wife.  

Anyway, I won't gush too much. I think he's the bees knees and I love him very much. He rights my world and keeps this girl grounded.  He tells me he loves me a dozen times a day, not that I had any doubts.  I think he is probably the best choice I've ever made in my life and I'd choose him again, every time.

Brighton

Since the last time I really used my blog (February) Brighton hit a little milestone of her own, She turned 5!  Is it possible for me to have a five year old?
Yep, Ain't she beautiful -------->

    I know as a mom you aren't supposed to love one of your children more then the other. And I don't love any one of my girls more then the others, but I do love them differently. They all three of them are different and have different challenges and strengths.
    Paisley for instance, as the baby gets the benefits of parents who know what they are doing, we have a little experience at this point...but she also has to share those parents with two others.
    Fairon gets a raw deal, everything is a hand-me-down and just as she is starting to get used to it we take it away and hand it to her baby sister. But She benefits from wiser parents then her older sister had and has never gotten hand-me-down love.

   And poor Brighton, She dealt with me and Dan as first time parents.  She went to the emergency room for a cough. She listened to her mother cry, up to my elbows in poop, about how I would NEVER be able to wear clean clothes again. She dealt with an over packed diaper bag that still managed to not contain the things we needed....like diapers. She did managed to walk despite the serious disadvantage of never being put down.  She got shampoo in her eyes, had to eat sweet potatoes, wore a helmet to go sledding, and suffered through a mother's inept attempt to cut her bangs.  But she did get time; a whole lot of time, attention, affection, and love.

    Brighton is so smart she scares the pants off me! She is a great older sister most of the time, and makes tons of concessions to keep her little sisters happy. She is slightly over dramatic, but let's face it  she comes by that naturally. She doesn't like to cuddle.  She is is a total type A personality!  She acts responsibly most of the time. Sometimes we say she was born 30 years old.

She loves:

Art, painting, coloring, scrapbooking, crafts,

reading, science, nature, 

She's really interested in: 

learning to ride her bike, the states, the presidents, and WHY everything exists.

Her favorites: Best Friend is Ella

Favorite show: Frannie's Feet, Pinky Dinky Doo, Wild Kratts

Fav. Color: Think PINK!

Loves to experience new things

Enjoys baking

Dislikes:

Unplugging

Brushing her teeth

Getting her Hair done

Lima Beans

Speaking or singing in public

Meeting new people

 Brighton is an all around exceptional 5 year old, I'm so proud to be her helicopter mom!

Fairon

I'm going to throw people for a loop and actually blog two WHOLE days in a row. I thought it was only a natural progression that I tell you how about Miss Fairon Nicole. She just turned THREE!

You know how people, when they say something negative about their child, always immediately follow it up with how much they love them? Gosh that annoys me. I just like when people tell the truth. I know you love your child even if you are struggling with them. 

Fairon is a stinker. She is a challenge. She is difficult. She is strong willed. She is independent.  She is just like me.
AND I love her. See, it's hard not to do.

Three is a tough age. I'm not sure why people say 'terrible twos' because three is so much worse! But with Fairon she was just born this way. Everything has to be her idea. She has to master everything. Did you know that Fairon is an American variation of an Irish name Farren? Which seemingly  has a hundred different meanings that all seem to boil down to: Stubborn and Spirited.  I felt God gave me that name for her, turns out it was perfect. Perhaps I should have done some more research.

    Fairon is a little mother. She is so compassionate and empathetic. She feels ALL her feelings to their highest degree. She adores her little sister and her father, and merely tolerates me and Brighton. Fairon's affections are hard to win, but that makes them more valuable.  She is complex, wonderful, and difficult to describe. She has that X factor. We call her our little Warrior Artist.

 Fairon Likes:

Music

Calliou and Dora

Paisley

Purple

Art in every form

Praise

Reading

Everything HER Way

Fairon Dislikes:

Lima Beans

Having to accept help

Not being able to make the letter sounds, F, V, TH, X

Having to share with Brighton

Not going to preschool everyday

Shoes

Sleeping in her own bed

     She is deeply smart, but people have a hard time seeing it because she lacked language skills for almost three years. She is a total character, extremely dramatic, and expressive. It's how she first learned to  communicate. She wears her heart on her sleeve. She is an awesome combination of strong and sensitive.  I admire her and fear for her because I see so much of myself in this one. 

     She is beautiful; Always puts her shoes on the wrong feet and will fight you till the death if you suggest she did something wrong.  I have always felt really strongly that God gave me a sliver of myself to teach me, not to tame her, but to love her for who she is and ultimately to love myself.

 

Paisley

     I have been slightly bogged down lately with all the things it takes to make a life: laundry, bills, work, dishes, baths, dinner, bedtime stories, teeth brushing, hugs, boogers, diapers, shopping, pinterest.  

      It's been awhile since I stopped and really evaluated my blessings, and that has to start with my greatest blessings, my beautiful girls.  We just passed a milestone with Miss Paisley Morgan, who recently turned 18 months old.

    Our little mop top is about the sweetest little chickadee you'd ever want to meet. She is even-tempered and a total mommy's girl. She follows me where ever I go, if she is not playing with her second mom, Fairon.  She has a million kilowatt smile that lights up her face, and she shares with everyone...except the pediatrician. 

    Paisley is fond of music and art. No surprises there as she follows in the footsteps of her older sisters, and has been holding a crayon beside them since she was 6 months old.

  A few of her favorite things:

Baths

Rubber duckies

Elmo

Yo Gabba Gabba

 Fairon

Oreos

Crayons

Stickers

Breastmilk

Mortal Danger

New Words

Things she isn't excited by:

Clothing

Diaper Changes

Hair Brushes

Hair Ties

Shampoo

Eye Doctors

Actual Toys

Mom Working

 Sleeping Through the Night

This kid has a serious knack for getting into trouble and the sweetest face to apologize with.Case in point this morning she pushed a chair over to the cupboard climbed up and pulled a couple steak knives out of the drawer. She is learning new words everyday: Book, Duck, Jesus, Stuck, Sick, Bump, Sis, Dada, Mama, Eyes, Thanks, Ears, Glasses, Poop, Stink, Yucky, and Bright. She can point to all her body parts and some shapes like circle and star. Her favorite songs are "open shut them" and "I'm Elmo and I know it".

 

Her eyes are still hazel although less green then they were 6 months ago. She is FINALLY getting the last of her little teeth in, which I pray will be over soon. Her curls are loosening up which makes me wonder if by next year she'll have straight hair like the other girls.

I'm blessed to be this sweet baby's mama, if all children were like this I'd have a dozen!

Resolutions

So, this blog entry has been a work in progress for almost 3 months. I've been wanting to write for sometime about resolutions and goals. It seemed totally proper to have this be my new years entry...I'm nothing if not punctual.

Which brings me to my first new years resolution. To be more organized. My lack of organization is probably my biggest issue with myself. I have always been a personality that thrives in chaos. <---that last bit is the lie I have told myself for the last few years. A couple years ago, there was this little status update going around on the facebook that asked people to describe you in few words and the most common thing people had to say about me was, "free spirit". People say things to me all the time, like "Emily, you are such a free spirit." I love that term "free spirit" because it makes being flaky sound almost positive.

I'm reminded of an object lesson from high school, where the teacher handed us each a balloon full of air, and a push pin. She said, "TRY to pop this balloon." So everyone put pushpin to balloon and popped the balloon. Then she said,

"you see...there is no 'try' there is just 'do' or 'not do'."

The thing about goals and resolutions (or almost anything for that matter), is that if it's really important to you, you make time to do it. You work on it, and possibly for the first time in my life it has become important to me to become a better version of myself.

The first lesson I've learned this year is you don't have to be the best at something to enjoy it. I give myself permission to do it anyway. I am not the best singer in the world, I'm not great; I might not even be good. In the past that would have been enough to keep me from preforming. But I love music and enjoy singing so I have been accepting invitations to sing in church and other activities. Of course I am nervous but afterward I am grateful for the opportunity to do something I love.
I find I can apply that lesson to a lot of things in my life: running, photography, parenting, cooking, crafting, gardening, scrap booking, my church calling, and even organization.

My second resolution is to simplify.





















(see I'm doing it already)

The Best Peanut Butter Chocolate Chip Cookie Recipe

Well the title of this post says it all. This recipe is THE best cookie recipe. I consider this recipe a no fail for delicious peanut butter chocolate chip cookies. Trust me, if I can't screw it up you can't either. People literally beg me to make these cookies. In our house we make them once or twice a week.

Mix in a bowl: 1 C. Sugar & 1 C. Brown Sugar

Add & Stir: 2/3 melted Butter (you can sub. anything butter like, but butter is best)

Add & Stir: 2 eggs, 2 tsp. vanilla, 2/3 C peanut butter (more or less is fine), 1 tsp salt, 1 tsp Baking Soda.

Add and Stir: 2 1/2 C. Flour

Add and Stir: 3/4 bag of semi sweet chocolate chips. (not more or your cookies will fall apart, not milk because these are super moist gooey cookies and milk chocolate chips will make them fall apart)

Drop by the spoonful on greased cookie sheet. Bake 350 degrees for 9-12 minutes. ( I do 9) And I make them small, just the perfect size to be eaten in a couple bites.

I hope you enjoy them as much as my family does!!!!